Steps to make Gay Friends and satisfy women: the best help guide to Successful Queer Socializing | Autostraddle

Y’all possess some issues meeting homosexual people. We realize this because so long as we have now had homogay ‘internet presences’ you’ve been asking united states how to make queer friends/meet ladies. We Have Now
replied you, sporadically

But it seems that perhaps not regularly adequate:

Although Laneia is actually convinced she is really the only lesbian in Phoenix (i am good that isn’t therefore, somebody kindly back myself right up from inside the feedback), the majority of us here on group Autostraddle have a somewhat healthy posse of queer buddies. Or perhaps it seems that means once we build for homogay events/marches/parties/prides tri-annually.

We feel totally happy with this and we have now decided to enlist the troops and answer the question “how perform I satisfy additional queers?” once and for all.


+ if you are searching for a remedy with the question “Best ways to hit on girls?”, we have a write-up for that:

How to Get Chicks


+ wondering “just how do i date a chick?” We’ve articles regarding:

10 Easy Rules For Properly Courting a lesbian curious


+ interested in the way to get a female to fall asleep over? Coincidentally, we now have articles for the, also:

8 measures Every lady takes receive a woman to Sleep Over


+ into sharing a particular treat along with your special brand new friend/’special’ pal?

Top Ten Cookies


Do you want? Why don’t we start.



: Purchase A JOB! No really. Go get a position. It does not need are
a gay work
. Though I Have had those. Jobs from inside the direct business tend to be teeming with undercover gays. If you notice a printer jam, hold off approx 2 moments & most probably a gay girl will arrive to fix. In my view, regular ol’ jobs commonly the most effective spots to satisfy additional homosexual females, whether for friendsies, FWB, or future partner material. If you will find thinner pickins’ at Your work, the much better.

Complement a Femme

: spend time in which friends work, if relevant. Some one I know just met a fairly thing to munch on by doing this lately.


: If
the work colleagues realize you are a homogay
, they’ll nearly seriously try to familiarizes you with or establish you making use of their homosexual cousin/sister/bff/roommate/etc.

Shows for Queer Musicians



I’ve came across most my personal queer buddies at
. Gay ladies tend to be fairly intent on encouraging their neighborhood gay artists, therefore go examine multiple programs. If your area has an all-female band after that that is a beneficial place to start, their unique concerts is going to be filled with potential queer buddies. I think it is easiest which will make friends using musicians on their own because you have an excuse to hit right up a discussion together with them: to inform them that you loved their particular program. Inquire further when they’re playing next, and check-out that one as well. Only keep participating.

Join any Club/Team That May

Maybe you have as an associate

Intern Hot Laura


Have you got a

motorcycle co-op

in your area? We bet you are doing, and that I guess you’ll find a number of cute girls running around with cycle grease to their noses. Even if you cannot satisfy anyone, you can learn how to create a cycle basically kind of like carrying around a less heavy in the event a cute girl requests for a light only better since you can appear their particular their particular relief and correct their own damaged tire.


: Join a

guide club


creating party


Do-it-yourself photography workshop

– indeed, Do-it-yourself everything would work.


Go to the

roller derby

The queer ladies are at the roller derby. These. Roller derby is wall-to-wall lesbians and that I’ve seen many girls strike upwards new relationships while you’re watching a-game. It really is fairly easy accomplish as if there’s one thing that roller derby enthusiasts like, it really is revealing their particular understanding of the overall game with novices. Therefore if absolutely a team in your area, go see all of them play. Saddle up beside a small grouping of lovable ladies during the suicide seating (where the serious followers remain) and ask them to give an explanation for policies to you personally. I do believe you’ll make some brand new buddies right away.


We’ve mentioned the online world multiple times due to the fact simplest way to satisfy various other gays. Demonstrably this is actually the net, therefore we’re biased, but we’ve located nearly all of all of our pals right here, or via Riese’s prior blogs (this is where a lot of group is inspired by — readers of her web log and the pals she met through people, etc).
We notice OKCupid is actually anything
, in addition.

Intern Emily


Discover someone on autostraddle exactly who resides near you. Provide them with your mail. Try for a walk. Walks tend to be free of charge.


: it may be various now, but back when I found myself a baby (23) I taken care of immediately an advertisement on craigslist w4w by a girl exactly who said she was bi, went to Columbia, played soccer, enjoyed ‘420′ and was looking for different bi girls to visit aside with and stay friends and brave the scary queer globe together. The very first time we came across it was absurdly awkward it had gotten increasingly much better all the way to “more comfortable than Im with any individual, really.” We’ve been through a bunch collectively — countless existence levels! — therefore we’re nonetheless friends now, and it’s through her intrepid internet based friend-gathering that we found Lainy, which found my
now-best-friend Haviland
on friendster following welcomed her to a thing that I happened to be also at, which can be how I came across Haviland. So! The purpose of that is:
craigslist could be anything
? The answer to it being non-intimidating had been that we both earnestly wanted brand-new buddies, yannow?


: discover a queer girl who writes a weblog with lots of emotions and deliver the woman emails regarding your thoughts. Study books. If the queer lady with a blog begins an on-line magazine, help the lady. Accost individuals on gchat. Whenever queer girl with a blog has functions and presents that her buddies, be really nice for them and state circumstances together with your mouth area and sight. If an individual of these is particularly neat, write them a contact and be their buddy. End up being truly honest and take some anti-anxiety medication. Aren’t getting an alternative solution lifestyle haircut if you do not actually want to. Purchase a minumum of one v-neck. Smile.

Intern Emily

Start a blog
. Write-in it for just two years. Simply take a 3-day hiatus immediately after which require people in your urban area to email you.


Begin a blog
right after which
create an online site
right after which hire individuals to end up being your friends 100% free.


Stick “queer-friendly” or “LGBT friendly” in your craigslist post and girls will come a-runnin’, with numerous gay pals of one’s own in tow. You kill like 40 birds with one material and certainly will hear Tegan & Sara



In A Ladies’ Studies/Gender Reports Course

You can examine on this index of
LGBT/Queer Studies products
at universities all around the nation! You also should take part in class. Girls who participate would be the hottest.



Women’s scientific studies courses are a great place to meet women: everyone’s more or less a feminist currently so you’re able to have brainsexy conversations, that are perfect for continuing in bars after class. Watch your self with those hot profs, however.

At the LGBT Campus cluster in college or university or twelfth grade

It is Taylor’s NYU LGBT Cluster


: In school, before I became really out or strongly identified, we began nervously attending some events held by our class’s LGBT workplace. Quickly ahead annually and that I ended up being running on-campus queer courses each week, and I’d scored a huge posse of enthusiastic forward-thinking activist gays, like that! Before we worked for the LGBT workplace we thought super timid at queer events, so if your college has actually a working LGBT organization, deciding on signing up or applying and plunge in. The LGBT company turned into the next residence, which had been perfect for between-class naps and meeting hotties, naturally.

Intern Emily

: Go to your college’s queer dance club. It’ll be embarrassing. You will embark on a lunch go out with a cute girl who delivers the woman gf. You may earn some friends though.

Gay Bars and Gay Events!

Demonstrably this is often a daunting situation, but some getting-to-know-other-girls at these pubs wont happen with one first uncomfortable go to. You need to return back. And get back. And go-back. And finally you should have no choice but feeling comfortable indeed there, because it’s a location you go plenty. Then perhaps you will communicate with strangers or get 25 individuals to hug you to suit your 25th birthday. Its a thing, you can keep rating on your own arm with a pen. If you reside in new york,
GO mag gets the most extensive, current bar/event listing

Intern Emily

: Go to a homosexual bar. Get truly inebriated and speak to everybody else.


When you are from the gay bar or lesbian evening, you are going to consider thoughts like ‘nobody right here would like to speak to me personally’ or ‘everyone right here provides a girlfriend’ or ‘why are lesbians very daunting’ and you also must reduce all of those feelings and protect all of them with another sensation and this new feeling is actually ‘whatis the worst thing that will happen, we’ll get declined?’ and I also KNOW I UNDERSTAND I KNOW that seems petrifying, as though being refused will be the worst thing might ever occur as an individual existence. But it is in fact not — the self-confidence is sexier than the dress will ever be, and women are very weird as well as have so many issues/reasons to possibly deny you which you are unable to simply take anybody rejection myself. Merely make eye contact. Say hi. It does not need to be intimate. Envision your self in her own sneakers and consider how you’d want the girl to address you.


: avoid being a scaredy cat! Go to a bar/club/show alone. Actually, this is how I came across my wife 5.68 years back.

Some General Guidelines


Sarah Croce

: I had previously been timid. My personal response? Grow a pair. Figure out what rocks in regards to you and with confidence hit right up discussions with random men and women. They don’t have to be homosexual. Often you’ll find many girls are bi, or wondering, or have actually homosexual friends. Right everyone loves to tell you they’ve homosexual pals in addition they usually believe you will want to hook-up using them like absolutely some sort of gay drought and in purchase to flourish and save your self the lesbian race all of us should mate feverishly. Its like they do not know we cannot procreate. And so they usually ask how lesbians make love.


Begin Modest, Develop a Lesbian Posse:

Jess Roentgen

: make your own Lesbian Posse. You simply require one or two other homosexual friends to begin – let them know to ask various other queers they know (if you don’t have every other gay friends – they actually do!) and approach little occasions for yourselves like meal at an apartment, movie night, bowling evening, ski/hiking excursion, etc. ensure it is a regular thing which means you always have one thing to look ahead to and as the weeks go by the lesbian telephone tree increases lengthier and lengthier and after a few months you will have your very own Lesbian Posse.


End Up Being Brave:

Intern Emily

: unfortuitously, meeting new people indicates you ought to be brave and strategy all of them and communicate with all of them and locate points to mention and spend a lot of the time obsessing regarding what to put on, etc. Its a lot of social stress and anxiety and you must take some drugs for the, but in addition, you are feeling great after.


End up being Antique and Project Away From The Safe Place:


: Get away from your own rut. I hear quite a few girls worrying about how its all the same individuals, the exact same ladies, wah-wah-wah. Drive to a regional area, get that practice underwater, bike it, shuttle it, but do not be prepared to meet brand-new, interesting women performing the same shit which hasn’t worked for at this point.

In addition, be conventional. Pretend there’s no internet please remember what it’s like to be polite and gracious and genuine IRL, and extend genuine invites and cultivate actual lasting friendships. It isn’t difficult for factors to fall through the breaks with internet-based connections; they need to be nurtured for reals. Getting old-fashioned reminds us a small amount of the required steps to keep up the types of connections we want!


Gays tend to be every where:


: Remember in

The Wizard of Oz

in which Dorothy knows that what she was looking for was at her backyard/home/heart the time? You may be a gay person, and also you love to do things/go spots. It’s likely that other homosexual people also enjoy these things/places and are usually probably already there! Look around the job/library/capoeira class/favorite coffeeshop/yarn store/whatever and probably you will find queer people here. Like truly, if there are other than 10 people in the building its statistically very possible that might be somebody else there who is also a massive gaymo. You just need to be fearless and consult with folks and not end up being timid about becoming homosexual yourself; they will certainly likely be very relieved and reply in sort.


Before you go!

It costs money to create indie queer mass media, and honestly, we are in need of more users in order to survive 2023

As many thanks for LITERALLY keeping us live, A+ users access added bonus material, added Saturday puzzles, and!

Are you going to join?

Cancel any time.

Join A+!